Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize