im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
