drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize