"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
