I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
