at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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