I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
