I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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