bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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