I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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