how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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