Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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