Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
please don't ironically join a cult
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