Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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