Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
