you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
