508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
