I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
