i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize