We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
