I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
