just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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