I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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