Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
