if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize