I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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