I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
