You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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