the condom got lost in my hair
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
