I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
