Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize