So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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