She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
These tits shall not be calmed
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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