so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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