I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
