I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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