You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
