I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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