im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Randomize
