The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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