At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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