oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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