Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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