We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
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