If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
