Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
