i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
