yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
