I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
