Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
