dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
