At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
