I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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