I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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