and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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