so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
