Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
cat food counts as protein by the way
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
