Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
