considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
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