wake up i wanna do it froggy style
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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