Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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