I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize