apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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