i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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