I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
