He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
