How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
