Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
