I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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