like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
